Click Here to Subsribe to the 'Living in China' Feed Do you have blonde hair, blue eyes, and very light skin? Congratulations. You have just earned yourself a minimum of 1 million stares while you are teaching in China. You will be stared at on the street, in the bus, at the bank, in the restaurant, at the train station and wherever else you go. You may even have the honor of causing some car accidents as drivers take their eyes off the road and strain their necks to look at you. It does not matter what your mother taught you about staring at other people;if you look different in China you will be noticed and observed.
But do not let the stares bother or intimidate you. The looks are usually out of curiosity especially if you are in a city where few foreigners live. For many people in China, life is very dull and repetitive and your brief appearance may lighten up their day. Some of them may even muster up enough courage to come and talk to you. There are too many Chinese people who have studied English but have never had the chance to practice with a foreigner. If this opportunity arises, be polite and encouraging.
However, I do talk to my students about good manners. I explain to them that in my home country there are people with purple hair and orange hair. There are people with one arm and one leg. There are even people with glass eyes. But I inform my students that we do not stare at such people. They are human beings just as I am in a human being in China. Staring at me because I am different is rude. One glance might be fine. Maybe even a second glance is permissible. My students usually nod their heads in agreement when I talk about this topic but I doubt any of them stop this bad habit.
So, people are going to stare at you; it is just part of the culture. But you can stare back! I do this frequently. Usually, the ‘offending’ starer drops the gaze and turns red. Then I smile kindly. I do not want to make anyone feel bad. However, I do draw the line at people who want to take pictures of me. I do not take pictures of people in China without asking for their permission. I should be shown the same courtesy. If someone attempts to take an unsolicited picture, I will do everything in my power to make sure the photo does not turn out well.
Do not take yourself too seriously in China. Have fun and enjoy the attention. People are just curious about you. Sure, it might get annoying after awhile. But just remember, it might be the only chance you have to get a taste of what it must feel like to be a movie star.
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Thanks for your concern, but since I believe he’s a closet homosexual, I wouldn’t turn him in. I think he’s been taught to fear and hate himself enough. And he probably has enough confusion having a wife and so on. And if he’s not a homosexual he’s certainly a person from a small town. These people generally don’t quite understand what’s socially acceptable especially with foreigners. They’re really backward. I’m not even sure the police would care. They’d probably tell him he shouldn’t do that and then ask me some questions about sex in America. Like oh you guys have lots of women. These people drive me crazy. They’re really stupid and backward. I hate West China. I’m going to try the East next year.
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That’s digusting.
I hope you reported it to the police.
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I live in a very small town in Shaanxi province. Today the boss of a restaurant I often eat at asked me to come upstairs. He’s a friendly Chinese man who’s 50 years old. Of course, I had no suspicions about following him upstairs. When I got up there though he immediately started showing me a porno movie on his phone with an American banging a Chinese girl. Then he said that the foreigners are big and wanted to know if I was big. Then he started grabbing at my crouch. After I pushed his hand away he kept asking to touch me and I said no. Then he took me to his bedroom and asked me to sit and watch the porno. I then told him I was leaving. That restaurant is really good, so I’m pissed because I have to find a new place to eat. The Chinese are very friendly;) This country needs sex education, and more openness towards sex. I bet that guys a closet homosexual.
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brokencoffeecup Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 8:28 am
You should asked for a female to present if he wanted to see it in action.
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brokencoffeecup Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 8:30 am
No meimei, or jiejie, no play, no play..lol
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These comments are very interesting to read. I wonder how I will be received whenever I (a Black American) will be there to visit with my (Chinese) husband. That should be an experience
) Especially being that we are also both very tall. We might get swarmed so bad that we can’t even move! I guess I had better be prepared lol.
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Mary ,
The world needs all types, I am told. Probably I have not acheived such an advanced state of enlightenment as you. I have read that at least 4% of the population are sociopaths. Turning the other cheek just encourages those types to continue their bad behaivior. I don’t relish the idea of violence, but alas, I have had my moments. Those who messed with me didn’t do it again, but I certainly didn’t feel good about it. I’ll work on it, but if some chinese guy fondles my girlfriend, he might suffer the consequences.
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The thing is that since all thoughts arise from the mind then we are therefore in control of our emotions. How we choose to react to anything is our choosing. The saying’stix & stones can break our bones but names can never hurt us..neither can looks’(well, it goes similar to that!)I just don’t see the point on wasting my emotions on reacting negatively to something that really isn’t a negative action towards me in the 1st place… & if it is even , I’m no wimp but there’s just more important things in life that grab my attention than worrying about how I may be perceived by others who see me but don’t actually know me personally.For me China is overall a wonderful place as are the Chinese people & other nationalities who have made their ‘home’ here. I won’t comment further on this topic, but only say we need at times not be so sensitive towards how we feel but more so towards others.
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Brit & ‘filthy lao wei’, why on earth would you want to be so rude?
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Yes, you do get gawked at a lot, photographed, videoed. The more diff’ you look the more attention they give you.I seem to cop the ‘works burger’ of this..tattooed (not for fashion but for culture), long blonde hair, small stature (they are used to the larger sized laowai nu ren)& touched, not too often & mostly touching is done by the older women & never by
the men.I’ve had my finernails inspected, hair lifted to inspect my ear piercings, jewellry examined. The older women in the market place esp like to give my butt & stomach a pat! They ask me how I stay so slim!For many people this may appear too much but I’m not the type
to get peeved off too readily. I realise they mean absolutely no harm & are cuirious.Being pushed about in queues & those who jump their turn annoy me more.My husband is a very tall man with long hair & beard. He really cops the looks too, But comments are in praise of his beard esp’. Many questions are asked as to how long it has taken him to grow such a lenghty neard & the like. He always takes the time to answer.
Mr Vance, you are correct though to teach your students about the Western attitude towards being stared at. It’s not that we think they are wrong to stare, we don’t even consider it impolite of them to do so. But, I feel it is very sensible to enlighten them as to how many laowai feel about the subject of being stared at. It will help them understand some of the responses they receive from laowai.
Josh, I am widely travelled. There was 1 Scandi country I lived in for year. I won’t reveal the name of the city or country as I also know very fine folks who also live there& do not hold the same attitudes as many of the inhabitants. That country is by far the most racist global place I have ever set foot in. Nearly every lampost has a pro-nazi sticker on it.(no, the place is NOT Germany)& foreigners are not made to feel welcome. China & the Chinese people are certainly not a touch on that place. I am yet to find a country where some type of prejudice towards another race does not exist. I can say, however, that China & the Chinese people are far less racist and more accepting of ‘outsiders’ than many I know of.
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Oh yeah, anyone contemplating a one-fingered salute: it means nothing to the (vast majority of) people here. I have flipped off many folks, whilst yelling “f**k you!”, and it accomplishes nothing. “Tsai ni ma” is better. (Chai knee ma!) ? Anyway, they say it to us lao wei enough. I think it means “fu*k your mother”. Ironically, many of them say it, but then freak out if you say it to them.
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My time here is about up. I am gratified, in a way, to see that people here are like people everywhere. There are some real jerks and a**holes, but there are good folks as well. Maybe it’s just Jiangsu with the the staring, poking, prodding idiots.
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I’m visiting China right now because my wife’s sister is getting married to a Chinese man. I agree that they stare at foreigners here, but the people are so friendly and sincere here, I don’t care so much about the staring. In Japan, when I am stared at, it feels very bad. I think the Chinese people are pretty innocent in that way. Even if they stare, and even if they tease, they don’t mean it so personally or in a bad way. In Japan, I can feel their blood is boiling sometimes just because I’m walking on the street. Also, when I’m outside China, like in America or Japan, Chinese people often say bad things about Japanese, but Chinese in China are always kind to my wife is sister (Japanese) and even though they know we are speaking Japanese, they never get angry looks like I see in Japan. Maybe I’m having a good first experience in China. I don’t know…
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Maybe I shouldn’t go to China. I suspect I might be inclined to provide a nuckle sandwich to some Chinese guy who got right in my face, Or at least a one fingered salute. Probably not the way to handle it, but that’s what I would want to do.
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I am a tall, blonde senior female and I’m stared at all the time. I’ve resisted poking my tongue out in a rude way, especially to the guys who come right up to my face and stare. Mostly I give a good natured wave. The women usually smile and wave back, and the men look shocked. They go through my supermarket trolley and on the bus I’ve had them pinch me (to feel my adipose tissue I suspect), but I ignore it all for the most part. I think it is funny. I knew I would be an oddity here and sometimes I enjoy my “fame”. I know that sometimes I am the butt of jokes – and I know the Chinese don’t know the jokes we tell about them!
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You make an interesting point… But based on my experiences here, I would say that while the right-wing extremists (uyoku, the guys who drive around in black vans with Japan’s wartime flag on it and shout obscenities and random rude s**t through loudspeakers) are the superiorist types you speak of – and maybe a limited number of upper-class elitists business men who live in sheltered bubble world with their cohorts – the truth is that the superior mentality is uncommon among Japanese. Towards other ethnicities Japanese are a little more confident and maybe a little superior-acting, but towards white people/Americans (which they think are the same thing), they primarily have an inferiority complex very much like the Chinese, due to their defeat in WW2 (their first real defeat in war) by the Americans. The fact that it was them who made the incursive strike at Pearl Harbor, and we struck back after being attacked and defeated them, further deepens their shame. I’ve always thought it would be a good title for a book: “The American (pre-)Occuptation”.
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Hmm, perhaps I should clarify: I think most people in Eugene, OR that stare do so because they’re curious, rather than being malicious. Of course, there are bigots out there, but I don’t think most folks in Eugene, OR are like that – at least I have not actually seen any “evil eyes” myself.
I come from Vancouver myself, and all the different ethnic groups there get along very well. There is a strong correlation between tolerance and education (i.e. knowing about other cultures, interacting with different people, etc.). While there are a LOT of uneducated people in China, I am optimistic that as China becomes more prosperous and its people become more educated, the experiences Filthy Lao Wei had won’t be repeated.
These experiences, however, are not because the Hans think of themselves as racially superior. If anything, there is a strong inferiority complex that a lot of uneducated Hans have with respect to Caucasians, that originates from Western domination of China between the 18th to early 20th centuries, and is encouraged by the Communist government for their own purposes. Uneducated or right-wing Japanese, on the other hand, do have a strong superiority complex that originates from their WWII experiences. In general, this applies mostly to the older generations; as has been pointed out, the younger generation seems a lot more tolerant and open-minded.
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By the way PAC…
I, a Caucasian myself, stare at other Caucasians here in Japan, but nothing more than a glance. In being in Tokyo for so long, you really start to become like Japanese, so I get the curiosity thing… Even I briefly wonder things like if they’re or a tourist or can speak Japanese, if I can help them find their way around, etc. But for the most part it’s pretty easy to very quickly see whether or not someone’s a tourist or not, and my glance drops very quickly. A good number of the stares I get on a daily basis are exactly the same type of thing — so I can’t complain too much there. But another good portion of them are not the curious type. My grandmother was racist and rude to pretty much all minorities other than blacks and native Americans. For her, I think it was an anger over losing her country to outsiders rather than an idea of racial superiority… and back in those days minority pretty much meant foreigner, unlike today. I guess Japan’s kind of going through that now… The majority of minorities are still foreign-born immigrants who don’t speak native Japanese, so I get a lot of snickers, rude tongue-clicks etc. directed toward me that remind me very much of how my grandmother treated minorities. In America, though, we had a very empowered young generation coming from a liberal mass media and education system that stood up to their parents/grandparents old ways and steadfastly refused to accept them. I was very angry with my grandmother every time she did that to a person, but she was stubborn as hell — she never gave up, and she died with a huge gap between us. Japan’s kids don’t really give a crap to support a cause like that I think, even if they themselves might be indifferent or friendly to immigrants.
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And I think there needs to be some small distinction made between simply glancing or mild staring vs. the evil eye and dirty remarks. I personally don’t want people over here in Japan telling me I shouldn’t be bothered by stares when in fact a good portion of it is dirty remarks and the evil eye. Not to say that the latter never happens in the states… It’s hard for me to know, though, coming from San Francisco. We really all kind of blend together. People from other places always tell me I’m full of s**t, but people just don’t know how balanced things are around the bay area.
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I appreciate what everyone is saying. If this is anything like what the first Asian immigrants to the US went through, then I am truly sorry.
My best friend is originally from Hong Kong, and he does this “Doctors without borders” kind of thing in the US. I went to visit him in some backwoods sh*thole town in Virginia that needed a doctor. Everyone I met there said “oh, you’re friends with the chinaman?” Wow. “Chinaman”? I really do understand that folks in the US are as****es too.
That being said, it does NOT excuse the behavior here. I’m sure that Americans behaved quite shamefully towards the Chinese in the past. I try to behave myself much better now.
Not that it matters to anyone anymore, but my grandfather was CIB in WWII. If any westerner has a right to come here and look around, surely it must be a CIB troop or their descendant. My grandpa dropped mules to Merrill’s Marauders. Take that, Imperial Japan…So I’m ugly and foreign, my grandpa helped save China’s butt…
PAC Chang and anyone else that has been wronged or made uncomfortable in the States: I’m sorry for the ignorant types in America. Of course there are still pockets of stupidity, but we’ve been working on them for years.
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I have to admit it that, even though I am a completely Westernized Chinese Canadian, I have stared at Caucasians while I was in China. It IS sort of like ET walking in New York. Having said that, I live in small town USA (Eugene, OR), and I constantly get stared at whenever I walk into the Toys R Us or Best Buy, even though it’s a pretty liberal town. It IS uncomfortable, but I try to remind myself that it is a somewhat unusual sight, or I pretend that I’m famous
. But yes, it can be a little draining having to put your guard up every time you step foot out of your home.
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Your experience is unfortunate… I know where you’re coming from. But there are a few other reasonable ways to look at it.
I go back to the states to visit family about twice a year. I leave Japan thinking that all of the stares, bold and insulting conversations right in front of your face about you, etc. are exclusive to Japan (or Asia apparently)… but recently I started to notice when I’m back in the states how cocky, arrogant, and rude a lot of Americans are too. Now, usually it especially comes from High School boys (though sometimes girls), and rednecks who’ve never been out of their little corner of backwoods America (interestingly just like the people you described you haven’t traveled overseas), but I do see Americans being pretty insensitive and even insulting in front of people they think can’t speak the language.
Anyway, no matter how much I try to convince you that you shouldn’t care about the idiots, you’re still gonna feel that pain, I guarantee – ’cause I can’t get over it either over here in Japan and I’ve been here nearly 4 years. It drives me nuts on a regular basis. But because it’s hurt you so bad you have to keep in mind that you definitely are prone to noticing the people who DO fit that profile much more than those who are neutral. Saying that you’ve only met 12 people out of 1 billion who are great people kind of indicates that. I know it can certainly feel that way when you’re stared at all day long, insulted, frustrated and hurting from it, though.
But you’ve invested a lot of your life into China and the Chinese language, and cutting ties bitterly and leaving angry is just too sad. Try some meditation… just be your true original self (before you got bitter about the people there), and approach the situations with frankness and confidence whenever you can muster it. If someone stares at you very badly, try to muster up the courage to say politely: “Didn’t your mother teach you manners – that it is rude to stare at people?” or if they are staring curiously just say hello or something. Or when people say insulting things in front of you, say something insulting back to them… The main reason most of them insult is out of insecurity, so it’s pretty easy to send them away with their tail between their legs by insulting them on an insecure point (if you know what I mean)… I’m sure you can think of some. Turnabout is entirely fair play. I imagine you are a kind of self-punishing type. You feel that you are respectful to them, and they should return that to you… but you probably aren’t rude back to them when they are to you, so it builds up inside you and makes you bitter. Let it out… and teach ‘em a lesson if you can muster the guts. Eventually it does make a difference. Actions like that by foreigner people living in Japan has actually made a strong impact. I see a consistent decrease in ignorant behavior as time goes on. They stop using the insulting slang word for “foreigner” as much because they know it really bothers us… they speak Japanese to you normally in stores, etc. more instead of pretending you’re an ape who needs sign language, etc. It’s slow-going, but we are making a difference. These people just need more exposure and education about it. I’m pretty sure America was pretty damned discriminatory and rude to immigrants a few decades back too. In fact, I know it. It just takes time.
Until now you may have been worried about making a good impression. You might think playing the innocent, polite, down-trodden foreign person could only give them a very positive image of foreign people, and make them think how stupid they’re being, etc. But people unfortunately don’t usually work like that (unless you start crying or something). People are emotionally pretty stubborn. They might see that you understand or are getting hurt by what you say and get even more insulting out of embarrassment, trying to defend their psychology. Idiots have pride just as much as anyone else, and they work hard to maintain their face, even when they’re being assholes. Think about the slavery issue in the US. Black people more-or-less politely went along with the whole slavery thing for hundreds of years. They were polite and cooperative even when they’re “masters” treated them like worthless animals. And what finally made the difference? People rising up and assertively battling the offenses. As long as the victims remain quiet, the offenders continue their campaign.
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It’s been five months since I last posted here (I think I finally got the pinyin right, or at least better). The staring continues unabated, but that’s only a minor annoyance.
My girlfriend has now been grabbed and prodded. I was not present for that, which is probably good as the Chinese must frown upon foreigners beating their citizens to death.
The cab drivers at Changzhou airport had a nice conversation in front of us about how ugly and disgusting we are. When confronted in Mandarin about it (my girlfriend is still fluent), they just laughed and denied it. We’re only dumb ghosts though, so it’s OK to mock us and lie to us.
I went into a shop and asked if they sold Johnny Walker. That got me gales of derisive laughter and some rude comments in Chinese. I’m not fluent in Mandarin, but I’m pretty sure that anything with “ni mama” in it is an insult directed at my mother. But hey, we’re stupid and wouldn’t pick up on that.
This morning, the apartment staff decided to set off fireworks bright and early. They went off at about the same height as our window. What fun. I am an Iraq vet and I don’t enjoy being awakened by explosions. The staff here laughed quite heartily when I complained. Then I used my Military Police voice and made the head guy cry. Now I’m a monster for making him lose face.
I don’t think it is harmless, good-natured curiosity at work here. I think it is mean-spirited racism, bolstered by a lifetime of propaganda. Anyone who isn’t Han-ethnic is less than fully human here.
Of course, we have met some really great people in China (about a dozen). Some, though by no means all, of the students seem genuinely nice to us. I’ve noticed that the nicest people here are the ones who have been abroad. They actually treat us like people and not like sideshow attractions.
Maybe it is just this city, or Jiangsu province. I hope so, because the thought of 1.3 billion jerks running around is scary. We now have 3 months left and I can barely wait to go.
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Jason
Well Jason’s comment was 4 months ago, so he may not see this reply, but I wanted to respond to his comment that he sees China as by far the most racist country. I’m going to go to China for the first time in December, and since I haven’t been yet, I can’t really speak from experience… But as a resident of Japan, I can tell you that reading all of this talk on the net about westerners’ experiences in China smacks of the exact same experiences we have over here in Japan. I’m constantly told that people are just curious, but there are definitely a good percentage of those stares which are not so innocent. I get dirty looks regularly for fathomable reason, and people are incredibly stubborn about it… In many cases even returning the stare intently will not faze them — the innocent ones or the mean ones a like. It’s like they’re in a trance. I can understand staring at people to some degree, but after a while, and especially when the person starts staring back at you, it seems kind of obvious to me that you’d come to your senses… but I guess it’s just a matter of culture and manners. In western countries we’re taught it’s rude to stare, and in Asian countries they aren’t taught that… plain and simple.
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[...] By the way, one of Robert Vance’s early posts on this website dealt with the issue of staring in China. The name of this entertaining article is simply The Chinese Stare. [...]
Stares I can deal with, touching and talking crap I cannot. As i’ve mentioned before, going out by myself the stares are generally curiosity. I have to agree with FiltyLauWei’s comment. I have experianced the same crap, as I’m also blonde and 2 times the size of the average Chinese.
But my wife is Chinese, when we go out together usually the stares turn from one of curiosity to disgust.
Mr. Vance I know you love China deeply, but sir I have been to many countries in my life, and this is by far the most racist of them all. My attitude as of late has turned from mild annoyment to complete rage. Good thing Im going back to the States in 13 days. I plan to never set foot here again.
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@FilthyLauWei,
Thanks for your comments. I have also heard stories of foreigners being touched in China, especially women. I am always surprised when I hear these stories because I would think that at least people would grow up in China knowing better than to touch complete strangers. I can see why that would be annoying. I have never been touched by an adult but I have had some beggar children hang on to my legs (one on either leg). While I find that incredibly annoying I try to be gentle as I push them off.
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Frankly I don’t think many of them see westerners as human. I’m blond and at least twice the size of most locals here, so I attract lots of stares. I can live with stares no problem, but I’m getting sick of being poked at and touched. I have been in Jiangsu for three months now and twice I have had total strangers walk up, grab my arm and examine my bicep like an interesting piece of meat. My girlfriend (a westerner too) told them in Mandarin each time that I didn’t like it and was getting angry, but that only resulted in a moment’s pause. When I yanked my arm away, they seemed shocked that I would object.
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“If a ET show in New York…”
In New York? Who would notice? He might already be living there for all we know!
haha…I see..
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“If a ET show in New York…”
In New York? Who would notice? He might already be living there for all we know!
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After about a year here, you get used to the stares. However at first it was very difficult to deal with. Often times making me really mad. I am 6′1″ blonde hair and green eyes, so I begain to learn quite bymyself the Chinese had no ill intent, just plain curiousity. Not to mention I have many tatoos that only add to their curiosity. After 3 years I am no longer bothered by it, and rarely ever pay attention to them staring.
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If a ET show in New York…
I can imagine how many stares he/she will get..
Just curiosity …
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I dunno dude, staring grates on the nerves after a while. I’ve perfected the cold-eye stare and I can hold it as long as they can, and I’ve been locked in some fierce battles with particularly determined old codgers incredulous that my whiteness has invaded their motherland but I never back down. But I’ve noticed another kind of stare- the kind that is followed by an impish smile and is subsequently followed by “Hello!” “Nice-uh to meet-uh you!” but only if you maintain prolonged eye contact. I give them the quick once-over “pshh” then let my gaze meander to the infinitely more interesting tree branch or shop sign. If I notice someone staring at me, I do absolutely nothing, since they are hoping to catch me speaking Chinese or doing any variety of entertaining activities, so after a few moments, they realize that I am in fact an ordinary human being just like them and they move on. The staring habit will never change in small-town China because the foreigners will always be attracted to the big cities and thus foreigners will always be novelties in smaller cities and thus foreigners will always have condescending attitudes towards rude citizens in these cities. Of course if it’s a posse of pretty girls staring, that’s perfectly fine
.
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